Anger Management Blog  May 5,  2011

Von Bates

In today’s world we hear so much about the violence in our country, other countries, the school shootings, the road rage and domestic violence.  “Are we just a bunch of angry people?”  Do people not know how to deal with their anger?  What causes all the anger or more importantly what happen to our ability to manage our anger better?  

We are a very fast paced society.  We are hurrying everywhere.  Most of us feel there is not enough time to get everything done that we need to do.  In turn, that causes us stress.  Stress frequently comes out as anger.  Stress means change.  Every one of us experience change every day.  Not all stress is bad.  There is good stress and bad stress.  I will address the difference between the two at a later time.

So with so much stress, what are some general coping skills that we can practice to help alleviate some of the anger?  First of all, you need to know what the “triggers” to your anger are.  If you don’t know what “sets” you off, you cannot manage it.  What are the physiological responses do you experience when you are angry?  Do you feel your heart racing, blood pressure rise, hurt in your stomach, sweaty palms, etc.?  The more aware you are of the triggers and the physiological responses then the better you can learn to manage your responses.  One of the easiest and simplest things you can do is “breathe.”  This is easy because we all breathe.   A lot of the time when we are upset, stressed, frustrated, etc. we start breathing very shallow.  We don’t get enough oxygen into our brains or our blood stream.  Practice taking a deep breath and counting to ten.  Often just taking the time to breathe and count will help you refocus your mind before you respond.  Next, stop and think.  I know, you are saying, “but I just react.”  Well, that’s the problem!  We react or respond without thinking.  If you will stop and think before responding many times you won’t say or do something you will later regret.  A question that I recommend  you ask yourself is this:  If I do or say_______________________, what will be the reaction?  Is that something I can deal with?  Most of the time the people that really push our buttons are the ones closest to us and we know how they are going to react, if we say or do certain things   The key to better managing your anger is practice.  If you will start practicing some of these techniques you will see a difference.